A Day I Want to Relive - April 4th, 1997

19 years ago my littlest brother spent his last day in a hospital bed giving the biggest fight of his life. We knew his battle would not continue much longer but as a 12 year old, I had no idea how close to losing we were. 

Every year on his d-day I write about him, his story, his battle, the enormous effect he had on this world but this year I'm taking a different approach. 

What would have changed if I knew on April 4th it was going to be the last time I held his hand while he slept or curled up in bed with him?

My littlest brother. 

What would you do if you knew today was the last day you'd see that person? Would you tell them you love them a little louder, hug them harder and hold them tighter? I would. One hundred times over, I would. 

I wish on April 4th I could remember where I was, what I did and what I said to him; at the time I did not know it was a day I needed to remember. Instead today I will remember how he changed my life from the moment I held him and became a big sister again ... I will always be Tyler's big sister.

Today and tomorrow will never be an easy day, no matter how many years pass by but I live knowing he would not want us to be sad. He would want us to laugh, smile and remember his silliness rather than his sickness. Tyler, my littlest brother, I love you today and always.